Uncondional Love by Dr. John Douillard

This is an article by Dr. John Douillard, the author of Body, Mind, Sport...a great book that turns the old paradigm of athletics on its head. Here is a great article on uncondional love.

Learn to Love Unconditionally
by Dr. John Douillard

Have you ever asked yourself, "Have I become a different person?"

Is there a deeper more real version of yourself waiting for the right time to show up - but for the most part letting that person out is just way too risky?!

It's Time To Drop the Old Layers of Protection
Maybe when you were three years old, someone hurt your feelings and to survive you needed to protect yourself. To do this you employed the services of your mind to help you create a personality that would keep you safe. Maybe you became the class clown, a straight A student or Mom's best helper - the better you played these roles the more they liked you. You were safe, loved and appreciated - who could ask for more?

We are all playing a lead role in a movie made by our minds designed to protect us from getting hurt and we try very hard to make a movie that everyone will like. We casted ourselves in this part when we were young and we are still reading the same lines from the same script in that same movie thirty of forty years later. Instead of pleasing our parents we find ourselves pleasing our boss, our spouse and even our kids because the script says if I do these things they will like me.

Love With Expectations Hurts
Our minds have convinced us that in order to feel loved we have to continue to perform - even into a state of exhaustion. Soon we become resentful because while bending over backwards for everyone else, sooner or later they will let you down. "For crying out loud! I do so much for them, you would think they would show some appreciation!" Or, we find ourselves saying, "If they would change, or just stop doing this or do more of that I would be willing to love them so much more." When we expect everyone in our world to change or love us back as a return on the investment we made to them, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and disaster.

Star In Your Own Movie - And Make It A Good One!
The mind has created this world of illusion to keep us safe at a time when our senses, emotions and intellect were not yet developed. When we were two, we needed this type of protection, but now at thirty-two we can become the director of our movie and change the script, create a new scene and even take on that role that you were always meant to play - your real, vulnerable, loving and powerful self. Living a life without access to this part of yourself will be, in due time, a very depressing experience.

Your senses will only offer temporary pleasure, emotions will only distract you from the yearning to be yourself for only so long until - sooner or later - you have to step into this new role. The problem is that the mind has convinced you that you can't do this. "If you just be yourself and love everyone unconditionally and they don't love you back you will be hurt devastated, it is way too risky. Just play it safe and stick with what has been working."

The mind will use your senses and emotions to distract you. It will use fear to make sure you never cross over and drive this chariot to the true, real and powerful part of yourself. It has convinced you that you are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, tall enough, skinny enough so you better stay put, safely living out a life in the illusion of the mind.

Be Happy Even When Something 'Bad' Happens
In the world of illusion we can only be happy when something good happens, if something bad happens we become unhappy. In truth, the joy of our soul is available to all of us, all the time. It is not dependant on something happening - it is the expression of our true nature -- and by definition, truth never changes. It is the emotions that change, or mood changes but who we really are is always there for us.

A flower, for example, doesn't count the number of bees that come nor does it pump up its smell just when you walk by. Its nature, as is ours, is to expand itself no matter if anyone ever loves it back. We think that we will feel better when Mr. Right comes along and loves us, fully making all our dreams come true. The reality is that this kind of love will never satisfy you.

Please try this exercise:
Take a paper and write a love letter to someone you love fully, completely. Someone you trust with all your heart. Tell them all the ways that you love and appreciate them - really go for it. While writing it know that they will never read this letter - it is for your eyes only. As you write it - become aware of how you feel writing this letter. You will see that as you write this letter you will actually feel loved, appreciated, cared for and even feel important.

All the things we so desperately think we need from someone else to make us feel good, we actually experience all by ourselves when we give love or like freely - without any concern that they will read it and then love you back.

"I love you --- but it is no concern of yours"
This is the game the mind has been playing on us for all these years. To truly win we must taste the vulnerability of true love by allowing ourselves to love without the need for any return of investment.

"I love you --- but it is no concern of yours" means I now know that what I really seek is to love rather than to be loved.