Staying Positive and Being Soft

This post serves to clear up a common misconception about remaining positive while keeping ourselves protected in a sometimes adverse world. No matter how positive of a person you are you will run into negative people and negative situations. Often these people are so negatively charged that they go in search of ways to balance themselves by bringing down others. This is usually the source of most daily dramas that keep us from truly experiencing life in the here and now.

People often say...how can I just be positive with so many awful things going on in the world? The simple truth is there are incredibly beautiful and uplifting things happening every second of the day as well. Our attention is shifted to these negative things through the added weight our media places on them or because of the heightened need of our internal survival mechanisms to notice dangerous situations. There is a constant miracle called life happening every millisecond of the day. There are children being born, people helping others, nature is constantly providing us a 24 hour spectacle. Can you imagine if the media reported all the positive things that happened each and every day?

To be aware of a negative situation is important and critical to our survival, as I alluded to earlier. Just because we are choosing to be positive does not mean we ignore a potentially damaging situation. Often people who adopt an attitude of positive thinking and feeling become "soft". They are too afraid to have sharp edges and often go along with things that are detrimental to them. When one does this they are giving away their personal power to others and opening the door to being taken advantage of. Often the kindest people we know end up in inequitable positions at work or in unhealthy relationships.

Being positive requires a strong sense of personal power. We must know when to draw a line in the sand without fighting. Rarely are we put in situations where fighting is necessary. We are no longer in medieval times, where conflict was often settled with physical battles. This does not stop us as humans from trying to inflict pain on one another. We take to using words as a way to harm people emotionally instead. The famous children's anthem of "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is a clever thing to say but it is far from the truth. How do we remain positive and avoid getting hurt?

The truth is you can't avoid getting hurt. We will always be hurt and we are often hurt by the people we care the most about. This is often why we develop a soft exterior because we want to maintain a good relationship with people even after they have hurt us. There are two important scenarios to consider:

The threat of physical pain: If you are being threatened physically, the most important thing to do is get as far away from that person as possible. If this is impossible, you need to defend yourself physically by any means necessary. Resorting to physical violence is always a last resort and a completely inappropriate and unbalanced way to deal with someone who is trying to hurt you emotionally.

The threat of emotional pain: This is much more common. People who strike out against your emotions feel very weak and insignificant and do this to develop a false sense of personal power. It is important to call these people out because they will often retreat very quickly or make a fool of themselves by continuing their useless diatribes further. A statement such as "Right now what you are saying makes me angry and if you continue I am going to either walk away or just stop listening" often works just fine. This is a statement of personal power and it is effective in the face of those who do not feel powerful themselves.

This is not easy. It may be the biggest challenge to being human. We are blessed with the intellectual and physical capacities that have allowed us to evolve into the most sophisticated animals on the planet Earth. We were also given the opportunity to experiences the richness of life through our emotions. To be fully human is to experience all three of these realms fully. Remember you are never alone in this endeavor, if you act out kindness and stay positive incredibly supportive people will have no trouble finding you.

Stay Positive,

Matthew